2011

As I sit in the backwoods of New Hampshire, I find myself feeling hopeful and proud for both the coming year and the one that is soon ending. As I normally do, let’s look back at 2011.

I grew a lot in the past year. Outwardly, emotionally, mentally and, to an extent, spiritually. A year ago today I was back home in Massachusetts, watching fireworks on the water with my mom and dad. It was a freezing cold night, but we braved the extreme eather to see the display. In the coming 365 days I would learn more about myself and who I am as a person than I ever had in a year before. This has truly been a time of growth for me.

On January 1st I was still living at home, nearing the end of a ten month break from my education while I sorted out financial obligations and worked my ass off. I spent my birthday, January 8th, sitting alone in a pizza shop in Savannah, GA (I was in the city for job and apartment hunting) after every single person out of the 40+ I had invited chose not to come, even after saying they would. To say that I was hurt would be an understatement… I realized who my true friends were and sadly those people only added up to single digits. We’ll come back to friends later.

I landed a job at the end of January that would not only allow me to return to Savannah and my college, but would give me great industry experience, not to mention a few life lessons. I arrived home on the 19th from a weekend trip, packed for six hours, slept for three and then flew directly to Savannah in what I now look back on as the craziest sixteen hours of my year. If you’ve ever decided to pack up and move your entire life in that short of time, you may know what I’m talking about. When I got to Savannah I stayed for two weeks on the couches of friends, not knowing where I was going to live or how I would find a place to stay. I was an employed homeless person, essentially. There’s something I never thought I’d say… That job would last me through September until I finally decided to resign due to an incredibly high amount of emotional distress this particular work environment caused me, as well as a need to focus on my increasingly difficult schooling.

Then at the end of January when I had no place to live and was wearing my welcome thin with friends, I found Jeff. One of the few friends I have in Savannah and often my confidant and partner in crime. Together we’ve nearly gotten arrested, filmed some insanely fun videos - and my social media addiction seems to have rubbed off on him, too. He’s legitimately the best roommate I could have hoped for and I can’t wait to return to Savannah and see my friend again.

As far as YouTube, I’ve never been more excited and proud of the things I’ve done on that site than what I’ve created and shared in the past year. I faced off with TheGearsKeepTurning in a series called Vlogwars that lasted months and broadened my horizons of what kind of content I can make. Dressing up in drag and getting thrown into the pool at VidCon were interesting experiences, and I loved every moment of them. The networking I did this year proves to myself that I’m still a born marketer and advertiser, further reinforcing that I am on the right path career-wise. I started the year with 7,616 subscribers and 538,384 total all-time video views. My year comes to a close with 14,384 subscribers, 941,698 views and an ever growing army of supportive, caring, talented and all-around-awesome Cool Kids. I’ll never be able to thank them (you) all enough, but I hope I can make them proud with the content I produce. That’s how I show my thanks.

I started out 2011 attached to the memory of a girl. Our relationship ended in mid-2010 but I was still deeply scarred and emotionally a wreck. We had something I truly believed in with every fiber of my being and it came to a close all too early, in my opinion. It wouldn’t be until late in the year that I’d find another girl, one who gave me more than I could give. I’m still thankful for that time we had together, but it just wasn’t meant to be… I’m currently single, but don’t plan to look for any relationships. There is still so much more that I have left to do in my own mind and spirit that I can’t fathom trying to be there for someone else in any way. I can’t share myself without knowing that I’m a stable and well-matured person first. And until I’m at that point, I’m content in not seeking a relationship.

And as promised, let’s return to the subject of friends. I have always had a flaw in my character, one that still causes me trouble as an adult: I let people in too easily, often not knowing when to stop sharing or draw limits or hold back from becoming altogether attached. I’ve had many people in my life who I thought were friends because in my mind I thought, “of course they’re my friends! Why wouldn’t we be? They know so much about me and we have this mutual trust and everything!” My naiveté in this regard showed its worst side effect when I sat alone that cold January night, crying into the phone because I had been abandoned on my birthday. It was a shameful and difficult truth to be faced with, that these people were only surface level acquaintances whom I’d assumed would be there for me when I needed them. The one person who was there for me - the same person who was on the other end of the phone that night, and the same person whose home I’m sitting in as I write this - was Adam. There isn’t much more I can write that hasn’t been said by me already in the past, but I will tell you that I am incredibly thankful to know true friendship exists in my life. I’m stoked for what 2012 has in store for us both, and I can’t wait to share our upcoming projects, travels and more with you as they turn from dreams into awesome realities.

In closing, thank you. If you’ve read this blog post or watched my videos or followed me on Twitter, I am honestly humbled and thankful each day to have you along for my journey. There is a lot to be said for having a network of tens-of-thousands of people who are there for you no matter what, to support and guide you from afar. Knowing that my life is (somehow) interesting enough to share and have you thoroughly enjoy brings me so much happiness. I just know that 2012 will be a truly incredible year and having you all to share it with makes that prospect even more fantastic.

Thanks for reading, and happy new year.

( Photo by Adam )